If you are or were a Service Member and would like to tell us all how you got Sober or just some cool things you have learned along the way i would like to post it Contact me at jjs42day@yahoo.com and we can get that started. Keep fighting the good fight

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Not That I’m Blaming Uncle Sam But….

Life never felt Unmanageable and I think that this is true for most people in the military. I think back to basic training when we had been given impossible tasks such as holding our bags over our head for what seemed to be hours at a time all while being yelled at and called a pussy. That wasn’t unmanageable.
We had to sit through hours of classes and we were forced to hydrate (even though our class was indoors) so I was on the verge of wetting myself so I leaned forward in my chair and peed on the floor because we weren’t due for a break for 30 min and I didn’t what to have wet BDU’s (this is normal right?). Another guy peed in his canteen to avoid the same fate. We laughed about it at the end of the day. This wasn’t unmanageable.
I believe that in some cases when you have the ability to function in pure chaos it is an asset (not in addiction).  When we are under fire we are not expected to say “boy this is unmanageable”. It’s just  not a question and a Can Do Attitude is what works both in training and in combat. This is what we get trained to do and this is what I believe the Military is looking for.
     I think back shortly after basic training on my first combat deployment  when  a 203 round had been lobed into our small camp. One guy had got some shrapnel and our medic was taking care of him. We were still receiving indirect sniper fire. I remember thinking “well this isn’t all that bad”.  I had several more combat type experiences on that deployment and they didn’t ever feel unmanageable. Stressful  but not Unmanageable.
    During my military career I was arrested 3 times for a DUI. This at the time never felt really unmanageable. It was stressful but heck just “rub some dirt on it and call me in the morning”. I don’t know how many times I had my battle buddies cover for me at a morning formation because I was to hammered from the night before to show my face. I don’t know how many piss testes I took that I should have failed. One time I had spent a whole weekend getting high on blow and I showed up to Monday morning formation to find out we had to take a piss test.  I was lucky enough to know a few people and I had a buddy from another unit take my ID card and pissed for me.
    Any normal person could have looked at any one day of my life and see my addiction make 90 percent of my choices, take 90 percent of my money  and ruin 90 percent of my potential. Most normal people would see this as unmanageable but I didn’t see it or I refused to see it. I hear people in meetings say they didn’t see their addiction because they “paid all their bills” and weren’t ever “in trouble“. Well I was in trouble or escaping trouble by the skin of my teeth but hey “I got this, I’ll be fine. Take a knee face out and drink water.” right?
    I was forced into treatment and it was one of my ways to avoid trouble. I didn’t drink or use while I was in treatment ,just so I could get the command off my back. I was planning on hitting it like I never left after treatment and through all of it I would know how to better avoid getting caught.  Funny thing happened when I quit boozing and drugging life got easier and better. Wow what a crazy idea. When I was out drinking I turned into a big two year old child, maybe even a two year old with down syndrome. This child, with a man size body would make my choices for 12 to 48 hours depending on the weekend. This brought a lot of things for me to clean up afterward. Not until I quit drinking, long enough to clean up some of the wreckage that had been building up over the last ten years, did I feel real freedom and contentment with my life.  I think the first thing that happened  while in recovery was that I made a few friends that  brought good things into my life and those friends that were in my life because we shared addiction weren’t hanging around anymore. I started to learn other ways to enjoy life and release stress so the longer I was clean the less I missed drugs and alcohol. This whole “One Day At A Time” thing really worked for me and I learned things one principal at a time and implemented them in my life.
    I am still learning how to live today and I always will be but I learn things a little faster when I’m not suppressing my potential with hard liquor. I have a family now too. Crazy huh . For several reasons . One, that someone would want to be with me, All The Time (sober too) . Two, that someone would want to raise children with me. I don’t have the perfect answer and I don’t know what the best choice is all the time but as long as I’m not using or boozing I just might be OK and life is easier.