2-23

Just a good day today. Weather is getting better so the mud is slowly going away. I will miss the exercise of moving around with 10 pounds of clay attached to each boot but I guess all good things have to come to an end even mud. We went to a local village today and as usual we were swarmed by the kids. Even though I don't know what they are saying other than "give me water" or "give me candy" but today it was "give me Radio". (we give out hand crank solar powered radios and the local radio station has a reading class every night so we give out books that go along with the program) The kids weren't any different from my own or kids in the US. They were all very curious and wanted to laugh and play. Life is so different for them but the core of who they are seems to be the same world wide. It was fun to see and made me miss my family.

I still love and am grateful for the support my family gives me. The support is for whatever I'm doing and my life is a little on the crazy side. Not as crazy as it has been in the past so I am happy about that. Some days are easier than others and today was a nice day. I got to take a nap so that was good even though it was short. That's about it for today Thanks for all the lists its been good to read and see the program work. Jon

 

Feb 20

Today I am thankful for

1. Sobriety and Family. I hope my family can feel how much I love them.

2. Its Kylie's birthday today and she is 7. She still is a little girl but time is moving way to fast.

3. I am so lucky to have so many good friends. I had recently finished a room in the garage at the house so my wife sister could live there while I was deployed. My sponsor brought over some slightly used carpet that will work perfectly. I am just grateful for people that look out for my family its awesome.

4. Time to think. The last few days have been really busy so today it has been nice to have a few conversations that had nothing to do with nothing other than a good conversation.

5. I got to really read a lot of the different lists and see what people are up to. It was fun to get a glimpse into some of your lives and see what the program has done for you. 

That's about it for now Thanks again to all who write. I know its good for me and I hope it does the same for you. Have a great sober day

Feb 16

Things just seem to be going smooth. I still get caught up in my head from time to time but I get out of it a lot faster than I ever have before. This is due to a lot of things that the program and people in the program have taught me. I am love new music. European folk music has been the music of choice lately (Mumford and sons) I had a good night sleep and that was nice. My sleep gets broken up for many reasons like I have a guard shift every night and if a door slams to loud then that can wake me up if I confuse it for a gunshot or something of the sort but sleep was good last night. I got to go out to shoot at the range today so that was also fun. I enjoy the comradely with all the other soldiers. Don't get me wrong there can be some down right catty drama from time to time but we all get some huge belly laughs at each other and that does out weigh the bad. As always I am so grateful for my family and my sobriety. My family is always one of those good thoughts that keep me out of the BS that can float around in my head. They make life so much better and even though I miss them I am so gratful for the life that we have built. It's the coolest. Take care and enjoy a sober day Jon

13 Feb

Today I have been reminded how strong fear can be. If you have seen the news I'm sure you have seen all of the budget cuts that our government is making. This includes the army. One way they have decided to cut back on spending is by cutting personnel. This is done by only allowing a small number to re-enlist. If a soldier has had any drug or alcohol problems then he won't be able to re-enlist or so I am told (I have 2 DUI's that I am grateful for). This idea or thought has made my head a terrible place to be today. With that though I have had small things that have pulled me out.

1. It has been frustrating at times how long it takes mail to get here and they also loose a lot of stuff so when my wife sent a Valentines package a few weeks ago we were frustrated with how long it had taken to get here. Guess when it showed up! It was full of pictures from the kids and it was a awesome reminder of what is most important. Jobs can come and go but I need my family to stay the same.

2. Today was a reminder of how unhealthy I still am and I see how I still need to work the program because I was in a negative place for a while. This was all over  something that may or may not happen (sponsor calls it Future F%&*#ing) and yes I still struggle with it even after all the work he put into getting me out of it.

3.Having this small short challenge just really motivates me more. This does suck to have to worry about a job right now and I truly have no idea what I will do for work (still have 20 months on this enlistment). I do know what not to do though. I do know how to make this situation even worse.

4. I still have sobriety and with that comes so much more opportunity than I would have if I continued in my addiction

5. I am so lucky that this is all I have to deal with because I could be dealing with vehicular manslaughter or kidney failure or other things that have happened to others because of addiction.

6. This program is such a gift, I can still feel worry and fear in the back of my head but it is surrounded by motivation and the love of my family both AA and biological. These good things will eventually push out the bad and I will be in a happier place it will just take some work.

7. I am so lucky to have 20 months to work on this and have several plans that may or may not work but this is far from a full blown tragedy.

8. My wife wants me to get out anyways so maybe this is god answering her prayer. (I hope she stops praying for this and just prays we will win the lottery..... you know something good)

9. I think I am almost out of my head and most of the progress was done while writing this list. I have a calm feeling that everything will be fine. (This took a large bottle of what ever was cheap to achieve this and now I won't have the hangover too)

Thanks to all for listening or reading my rant hope it wasn't to hard to follow. Have a wonderful sober day. Jon
Her are some lists from another SM

I am grateful today:

1. Kids

2.  Being in conversation about life using the steps to bring back a mother to her and my kids.  Praying before talking with my ex wife asking God to direct my conversation to bring credit to him/her and not making it about my pain or the pain I caused her.  Not making anybody wrong, and telling the truth.  A victory--been 6 months since she talked to her children and over a year since seeing her children when she lives 20 Min's away.  Guilt can paralysis people from doing whats right.

3.  Friends

4.  Going to Flimsy Reed and seeing people still doing this thing after three years meeting going from 10-15 to 100-150 people. 

5.  Sensations

6.  The sensation of smell had an Orange today that was so amazing to smell.  To be able to see the beauty in life with nature and with people. 

7.   Love

8.  Being in a loving relationship with friends, partners or family.  To love strangers because that is what somebody did for me.  To love and forgive my neighbors.  To love people who tell me the truth even when the truth sucks.

9.  Knowledge

10.  To know that I really know very little.  To be willing to share what little I know.  Knowledge is only valuable if it is shared.